Just one of those weeks

Monday was a bad day. A very bad day. I hate bad days. Bad days for me can be debilitating.
Tuesday was a moderate day. Moderate days are okay. I can live with that.
Hopefully we're looking at an upward trend here. I can't afford another bad day.

So why I am posting? You know, I can talk to five different people every week on campus (which I do) but at the end of the day I still feel weighted down by everything. There just seems to be no relief, no light at the end of the tunnel. I hate bothering people when I feel like crap. I feel like a burden. I know I'm not, they've told me I'm not, but in my mind I am. When it came to episodes with either depression or BP I always felt like a burden.

I know a lot of what I say has simple responses, but nothing's simple with BP. Nothing's simple in my life anymore. It's hard, and when I say that I feel like a whiner. But there's no other way to put it. My best days are okay days. I haven't had a full good day in a while; I have good minutes.

There's so much in my mind that just festers there. I can't explain it to anyone, even here because it wouldn't make sense here. As much as I want to be alone, I don't want to be alone. As much as I'm not alone, I feel alone. Everything's a contradiction these days.

Now I have to continue in the tunnel. Hopefully I'll see the light soon. See you at the other side.