Books

So the summer is starting soon, and I need recommendations of books for the summer. I like some fiction and some non-fiction; really, it's all dependent on the book. Hit me with your best recommendations and just maybe I will read and review them this summer! Thanks!

Just one of those weeks

Monday was a bad day. A very bad day. I hate bad days. Bad days for me can be debilitating.
Tuesday was a moderate day. Moderate days are okay. I can live with that.
Hopefully we're looking at an upward trend here. I can't afford another bad day.

So why I am posting? You know, I can talk to five different people every week on campus (which I do) but at the end of the day I still feel weighted down by everything. There just seems to be no relief, no light at the end of the tunnel. I hate bothering people when I feel like crap. I feel like a burden. I know I'm not, they've told me I'm not, but in my mind I am. When it came to episodes with either depression or BP I always felt like a burden.

I know a lot of what I say has simple responses, but nothing's simple with BP. Nothing's simple in my life anymore. It's hard, and when I say that I feel like a whiner. But there's no other way to put it. My best days are okay days. I haven't had a full good day in a while; I have good minutes.

There's so much in my mind that just festers there. I can't explain it to anyone, even here because it wouldn't make sense here. As much as I want to be alone, I don't want to be alone. As much as I'm not alone, I feel alone. Everything's a contradiction these days.

Now I have to continue in the tunnel. Hopefully I'll see the light soon. See you at the other side.

Crunch time

Schedule of work for the next three weeks

4-30 10 Page Novel in Political Theory due
5-1 10-12 page History of Broadcasting Paper due
10-12 pageCongressional Politics Take Home exam due

5-7 Take Home Final Exam of unknown format for Novel in Political Theory due

5-8 Congressional Politics Presentation

5-13 10-15 page Congressional politics paper due
6-8 page Film Theory paper due

5-15- History of Broadcasting Exam

Needless to say, I'm a tad stressed. It's been an odd weekend for me, a combination of success and laziness, up moods and down. But I've got to buckle down. It'll get done, and it'll get done on time. It always does.

Why I Love Being a Communications Major

I took on my Communications major originally for the PR aspect because I originally had aspiration to be a professional political speech writer, like Sam or Toby on The West Wing. When I started taking classes, however, I realized I enjoyed the theory aspect a lot more. One of my favorite classes is a hybrid between two majors: Media and Politics. My professor wrote this book as nostalgia as a tool for political campaigns. His book served as the inspiration for the final paper in his class about nostalgia about real life presidents as it was used on The West Wing, but it also inspired my senior honors thesis.

The goal of my thesis is to examine the image of the presidency in film and television. Primarily, if you haven't figured this out, I will focus on The West Wing and Aaron Sorkin's other work, The American President. I will also be looking at Commander in Chief, 24, Dave, and Air Force One.

This a is a huge project-it comes out to a 50 page paper and an oral presentation. So I'm dividing up the work really slyly. In my History of TV and Radio class, I am writing about the images of the president on tv, and in my film class I am writing about the presidency in film. My "research" partially consists of watching episodes of all these tv shows and movies. I have the coolest major. How many majors get to watch tv to write a paper? It's so much fun. Plus, the COm majors are so much more relaxed than Poli Sci majors that it's just fun being in class with them.
Besides, I have the most awesome adviser in the world. What could be better?

Judaism

I was born Jewish, I was raised Jewish. I was not brought up incredibly religious, but there was a period of about four years when I wanted to be a rabbi. Now that's all changed.

Tonight's the second night of Passover, so usually people do a second seder. I went home for last night, but tonight I am back on campus and have never felt less like participating in a ritual such as this. But being in Hillel makes me so uncomfortable now, and Judaism doesn't mean that much to me anymore. It's weird.

Back in February I went to Georgia for the first time in 5 years. I went to my old synagogue, my home away from home. I saw my rabbi, my mentor. He gave me a big hug and I just wanted to go back to being that naive middle schooler who told him everything. You have no idea how much I wanted to say to my rabbi. I'm bipolar, I'm not as Jewish as I used to be, I miss you (that I said actually). But I couldn't. I didn't tell him much of anything, actually. We chatted about my school and the past, but really we didn't touch on any of the big topics.

Saturday morning I went to Torah Study. I used to attend this class all the time when I was in middle and high school, and I was the only kid. It was amazing. The rabbi even called me "the prodigal daughter".

But yet when I prayed I still felt nothing. Judaism was all about this feeling for me, deep inside my stomach. I haven't had that feeling since my grandmother died back in August. I don't really miss it,though. It feels like I outgrew religion. I find it very hard to grasp the concept of a being greater than the universe. It just doesn't sit very smoothly with me. Who knows? Maybe that's a good thing.

Dovstoyevsky and Me

"Why, you...speak somehow like a book," she said, and again there was a note of irony in her voice.
That remark sent a pang to my heart. It was not what I was expecting.
-"Notes from the Underground", Fyodor Dovstoyevsky

I read this book last week for my Novel in Political Theory class. It mostly seemed like a rant by a middle-aged man, but when I read this line after the narrator goes on a tirade to a woman he meets in a bar, I realized I have a lot in common with the Underground Man.

See, people like myself and the Underground Man think too much. We look at life as outsiders and forget that we are actually part of it. Our thoughts are a way to escape the actual emotions of the time because sometimes it is easier to hide away than deal with the problems at hand. This is a situation I am all too familiar with.

After this realization, Underground Man decides it is time to stop living that way and essentially reintroduce himself to society. I am going to try and do that too. I am tired of feeling like I am in a different world than other people my age. I want to enjoy life to the fullest, and I will try with all my might to make sure that I do.

Ron Paul

Last night Ron Paul came to speak at my school. He was interesting to say the least. More interesting were his followers, who came out en masse for this event.

Congressman Paul has some extreme ideas, including a foreign policy that emphasizes national sovereignty and involves leaving all foreign military bases. He won't call it isolationist, but that's what it is. If we pull out of the United Nations, it's not going to gain us any friends; we're going to lose the few we have left. Besides we already ignore most of the UN statutes, including the International Criminal Court and child labor laws. As long as we keep allowing them to have land in New York, they're not going to complain if we don't follow their policies.

In terms of domestic policy, he kept comparing everything including education to our religious values, asking us if we would want our religion judged by a national standard. Well, no I don't think religion should be put on a national standard, but education is the key to ensuring a prosperous future for America. True, some education should be the responsibility of the parents, but the state must take some responsibility in this regard.

I think what Ron Paul has going for him is the fact that he is a fresh face. He offers a new set of ideas to the table that really haven't been seen with this much prevalence in a major race. But we're at a precarious position in time and space right now. We need baby steps. We need to conquer the problems that we have before taking giant steps and turning the nation in a whole new direction. Ron Paul has some great ideas; they just aren't feasible for today's world.

CB

My Promise to You

Hello new readers.

This is my second full throttle attempt at blogging. I like my audience to know a little bit about me so hear is the most basic information you will receive:
I'm a college student studying Political Science and Communications
I live near Washington DC, but have lived in Atlanta, New York, and New Jersey
I am a baseball fan, trivia nut, and positively obsessed with "The West Wing"
I am spending next semester in England, and am absolutely thrilled

Now there is one other issue that will come up in this blog, and that is the issue of mental illness. I am bipolar, diagnosed only in fall of last year, and recently suffered my first psychotic break. There will be days when I post and I am in bad moods, either manic or depressive. But I will try to keep my posts as rant-free as possible. For those of you who know me, all I ask is this: if you are concerned you have my number. Talk to me first, because I do get the help I need when I need it.

So I hope this hasn't scared you away from coming back. I'll try to post fairly regularly, but I am a college student, so work does tend to happen.
Thanks for reading.

CB