I'm alive, I guess...

WARNING: TRIGGERS

So going back to school was supposed to be the best thing. I was supposed to meet with the doctor, get my meds straightened out, see my friends, and go back to life as it was before study abroad.

WRONG.

I had maybe one good day before I fell apart. And this time, I couldn't work. I've never had that problem before. The breaking point came when I had to drop my thesis, a project I've already been working on for a year. It was then I realized something was really not working right.

That, and the constant visual hallucinations of suicide didn't help, either.

So I made the decision to take a leave of absence. At the beginning of my last semester. Three courses short of graduating.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I've been in a deep depression since the end of January, and the tunnel is still dark. I came home today, and I'm a mess. Even as I write this, I'm in tears. I can't do this. I'm only so strong.

I'll be starting therapy next week, and seeing a psychiatrist soon, as well. i can't see right now that it's going to be okay.

There's nothing good about this situation. Can you tell I'm in bad shape right now?

I can't right anymore. Sorry to depress everyone. I just had to get this out.